Realization one….

My Friend Pete

My friend Pete could be a real pain.  He was tall and could be intimidating.  Pete was a Marine, serving our country and was still ready to defend our country with his life, if necessary. 

Pete believed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and lived by Romans 1: 16 — For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believes, for the Jew first, and also to the Greek.

I know he wasn’t ashamed because shortly after I became pastor at his church he came to question me, and see where I stood.  I think I was often found wanting.  

Pete and I had many conversations over the years I served as his pastor, and most of them started off with, “Frank, we’ve got a problem.” 

For a long time I’d feel a twinge when I saw his name come up on my phone.  We talked and often argued for hours over worship services and what direction the church should go and what stands I should or should not take from the pulpit.  

Things got to a point where one day I said to him:

“Pete, the thing is, you don’t like me, and you don’t like my ministry.  But here’s some hope:  I’m here now, but I’m a Methodist pastor.  I won’t be here forever!  Wait it out!  In the meantime, find someplace to worship where you can be happy.” 

But we hung in there with each other. 

A series of things happened after that, and I had a realization, a recognition, about Pete while crossing over the Lake Houston bridge.  I think the Holy Spirit convicted me, and I called Pete and told him how much I appreciated him, and told him for the first time that I loved him as a brother in Christ.

Our relationship completely changed.  

Suddenly I realized Pete did not go to someone else when he had a problem with me.  He came to me first.  We dealt with it.  Pete did not talk behind my back, as I did about Pete to my shame.    Pete stood up for his faith without reservation.  I came to realize Pete Collier modeled Christ for me as a man of integrity in ways I did not appreciate. We kept in touch after Brenda and I left Lake Houston, and I think the last words we said to each other over the phone were words of friendship and love.  

Yes, my friend Pete could be a pain, and he modeled an unwavering faith and conviction that blessed and changed me.  

As it turns out from my reading and experience, Jesus could be a real pain, too.  

Realization two…

An Embarrassing Moment

For some time now, I have wanted to deepen my prayer life.  I have done many things,  bought books and listened to podcasts.  I took steps toward joining a group, an order, that emphasized prayer.  (Never mind that I am a life-vowed member of another order that practices the Daily Office!) 

While on yet another Zoom call, this one to talk about preparations for the next steps in discernment, I had an embarrassing realization.

Why don’t I just pray more?  Why do I need all of this? 

How many times have I used the seeking of more knowledge as an excuse for inaction?  

A decade ago my wife and I were on a Wesleyan Pilgrimage in England, and we heard Phil Meadows for the first time.  Phil is the co-founder of the Inspire Movement, and he talked about spiritual disciplines, including fasting.  

Something about fasting resonated with my soul, and I said so to another pilgrim on our bus as we were leaving.

“Yes, I’ll need to read more on that”, he said.  

It was like I was looking in a mirror, seeing how ludicrous I could be!  Why not just fast?  Why not just pray?  

How many times have I bought another book on a type or style of music rather than just practice one of my instruments? 

What am I waiting for?  Whose permission do I need?  

Why don’t I just pray more?  

Where have you seen God? 

What about you?